Right. So it seems almost customary that with the passing of my anniversary (read birthday) each year, I would write something to reflect on my puny life. This year, I received a ‘pleasant’ gift from school, ‘hell week’ they say, when all the assignments and projects and presentations seemingly collude to conclude the semester. So it’s been almost a week since I’m officially 22, and a week of emotional and mental suffocation.
Alas, some time to ponder in peace. A lot has happened in the past year, and I’ve overused this remark admittedly, so I’m not going to venture much into retrospection. A great deal of thought went on, and life-changing decisions were made. If there’s an entity in charge of making parallel universes, I’ve given it a hard time. Here I am, with different perspectives, working towards an oddly different dream that I would never have dreamt of two years ago.
I’m being rather reticent here, because it’s a really long story and the intricacies lie in the details. Anyways, what’s more important is to “keep moving forward”. I caught this slogan from Meet the Robinsons just an hour ago on TV. It’s a cartoon film from some years back, but who says we can’t learn anything from cartoons. In fact, we have much to learn from children as well. This model or life philosophy isn’t as simple as it seems, nor is it complicated. It encapsulates a key essence of being human – hope.
A huge part of growing up is about recognizing one’s vulnerabilities and flaws, as well as the world’s, at least for people like me. In that chaos of breaking down and rebuilding realities, there must be a coherent driving factor to offer sanctuary. It could be familial support, romantic love, hedonism, or simply hope – dreams. I mentioned ‘people like me’ because we all have different circumstances, different personalities, and these factors define what it means to grow up. I am a rational pragmatist, but an irrational idealist, and that is a pain in the neck. Ideals are naïve in reason, but I am attached to them emotionally, and more fundamentally. To avoid the risk of falling into the abyss of pretentious philosophical musing, let’s just say I need a particular idea to work towards.
So… what is forward? It is no secret that I’ve fallen for the love of food, and I’ve come to respect the profession of cooking. I want to believe that this is where my sanctuary lies. Even more so, I want to convince the people around me, whom I care and who care for me, to share that belief for me. It is a big step, my heart is determined, but still it trembles once in a while. We’re human after all.
One year on, I find myself unchanged in rationalizing things, in putting off my emotions in the face of reason, and succumbing to such abstract writing. It irks me to write like this, but I guess it’s a way of expressing how I feel, which I rarely do. There’s still a bit of figuring out to do, there always is.
Keep Moving Forward.