I have never really liked Sundays, because school starts the following day. When the night approaches, I will always have this sinking feeling that I have left out a task or, in the two years of being in the military, to pack something for the coming week. I could remember how this has kept me up some nights, but couldn’t remember when this had started. Considering the current state of my memory, that would probably point 10 years back or so. (I can’t really remember if I’ve written about this before!)
Nurtured in a competitive environment, I can attest to how familial, educational, and socio-cultural factors can shape one’s decision-making model. Most certainly we are not clones; every individual reacts to these molding forces in unique ways. While I disagree with some of the values implicit in my culture, I am not complaining, as I recall my resolution to be more positive in my writing.
So the good news is, I have decided to be responsible in a different, and better I hope, way. Looking back at the past three years, I have attributed much weight upon myself, figuratively. From certain achievements to scholarships, work appointments to familial responsibilities, should I not have realigned my priorities, I would have crumbled. I thought the irony was how I have written about being better than oneself in the previous post. However, that depends on what ‘better’ means, and in what ways.
But what exactly makes a better person? To be more diligent? To be more caring? To make more money? Before you impose a negative judgment on the last rhetoric, consider the possible underlying motivations. It could be that making more money helps one assure the comfort of loved ones. One could be relentless mercenary for the sake of lightening his or her parents burden.
I guess our actions do not truly make us better people, or at least it is not always the case. It’s the thought that counts? It is then misleading to think that thinking is easy. Thinking is easy, but changing the way we think is a herculean feat, because it is easy to rely on what has been working thus far. This goes back to how our upbringing shapes our decision-making models. The difficulty then lies in evaluating our own models, having the motivation to, and choosing how to better that. We can always start with working towards optimism. Never take that for granted.